


Hopeless

by psyluna



Category: Steins;Gate
Genre: Banter, Condoms, Cunnilingus, F/M, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Loss of Virginity, POV Female Character, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Underage Drinking, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:01:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24863482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psyluna/pseuds/psyluna
Summary: In a day of heavy rain in Akihabara, Okabe and Kurisu are isolated for the night in her hotel room.It's time for them to be honest about certain feelings.English version ofIncorrigível.
Relationships: Okabe Rintarou | Hououin Kyouma/Makise Kurisu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52





	Hopeless

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Incorrigível](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24863248) by [psyluna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/psyluna/pseuds/psyluna). 



> Hi, how's everyone? Guess who rewatched Steins;Gate, also watched Zero, and was left heartbroken...
> 
> Here goes another story I wanted out of my head. It's also practice for me to shake the rust off from my smut skills. This fic happens after the events of the movie, even if the movie is not canon. Do I care? No, I don't. It's canon in my heart. Just to clarify, the characters are both 19 here. 
> 
> This is a translation from Brazilian Portuguese. It might contain mistakes and unnatural-sounding sentences. Please warn me about them in the comment section. You are also welcome to comment on other aspects of the fic.
> 
> Don't take this too seriously. lol

I open the door using the magnetic key card and step in first, taking off my boots. Even if I weren’t in Japan, I’d do it to avoid getting the carpet wet. We were lucky enough to set foot in the hotel before the storm would drench us completely. 

I’m a bit breathless and not proud of it, even if we climbed here using an elevator. Under normal circumstances, I still have my daily walks from my apartment to the campus and back home. One could say that I replaced my usual academic hurry for a bunch of nonsense on the other side of the world.

The greatest nonsense enters right after me and closes the door behind himself with his elbow. I leave the key card in its compartment before I decide to lose it. He also takes off his shoes, and the greatest surprise, hangs his lab coat on a hook on the wall.

“Now, these pants…” He sighs and shrugs. “I doubt that your clothes are going to suit me, assistant, and even if they do, they could maybe awake something irreversible in me that-”

“They don’t.” I walk inside the bedroom and rummage through the wardrobe where I put most of my clothes. I turn my head to talk to Okabe, coming from behind the wardrobe door. “Unless you don’t mind looking a bit ridiculous.”

“I’ve never had the chance to wear women’s clothes, so I think I’m accepting your proposal.” He puts both hands on his waist. “Sacrifices must be done in the name of science, and ‘ridiculous’ is nothing but a matter of point of view. See Rukako, for example. Could you dare to say he looks ridiculous wearing women’s clothes, huh?”

“You guys look nothing alike, don’t give me that.” I chuckle, checking my pajamas and nightgowns one by one. A set made of an oversized T-shirt and shorts… That’ll do. “You can wear this, far from my sight, please, and thanks.”

“So you’re going to tell me you’re not interested in my naughty body, huh?” He grabs the set from my hand, leaves it on the bed, and begins to take off his shirt. “Here’s a sample so that you-”

I push him towards the bathroom and turn my back on him, looking for something to wear. He shuts himself in the small room against his will, muttering some indecipherable absurdity. All of his absurdities are so, actually.

The room still feels a bit suffocating from the rush and the Japanese summer. I turn on the air-conditioning using the remote on one of the bedside tables and go back to looking for what to wear. Too big, too ugly, too old… until I find the only long-sleeved set I’ve brought in the end of the pile. It is a pastel water green shade and has a button-down shirt. The bottom is a pair of short pants that reach the middle of my shins. Soft and cozy, as it must be. 

I take off my clothes as quickly as the speed of sound, hoping that Okabe takes too long in the bathroom. Just so that I don’t have to scream at him. I hear the flush sound and the inner key being spun from inside when I’m already dressed, lying on the bed, and with the TV on. I’m watching a documentary that seems like it just started. My pajamas are slightly big on him as well, but only the T-shirt. The pair of shorts look like horrid male underwear on him, the kind that that useless husbands wear in also horrid sitcoms.

“Up until now, I haven’t found the tracker you might have put in these clothes,” he begins, “but if the Organization comes chasing after me due to this elaborate plan…”

“What plan?” I ask with disinterest, turning up the volume of the TV.

“Controlling the weather to corner me in the enemy’s den was of terrific audacity. What are you planning?” He crosses his arms with a victorious smile and grabs his phone. “Hi, it’s me. Right now, I’m located in-”

I keep on turning up the volume of the television until I can top what he says and roll my eyes. He gives up or quits it in a moment and sits by my side on the bed, putting the pillow behind his back as I did. On the bedside table by my side, I left a pack of wonderful lemon candy that I can never find back in the States. Its sweet and sour taste is otherworldly and the texture is unbelievable. I grab one and throw it in my mouth, enjoying the flavor as I see a hideous fish on the screen.

It seems like this documentary is about an invasive species of fish in the Mississippi River. The thing is native to Southeast Asia and has no predators besides the human being. It is also capable of breaking most fishing lines and even fishing rods… I open another candy after chewing on the rest of the first one and offer one to Okabe, who begins unwrapping it.

It seems like he has nothing to say today other than his usual blabber. To think that I invited him to walk around the neighborhood… Why did I ever have this stupid idea? I should’ve gone to the lab myself and stay isolated there. Maybe talking to Mayuri or listening to Daru speak endlessly of his two-dimensional wives would be more interesting.

It’s already dark outside and it’s early, but the storm is most of the reason. I turn on the lights around the bedside. Summer here is usually so suffocating to the point it seems infinite. I let out a yawn and it is maybe a good time for a nap.

“I see.” He sighs, looking at the big window with open curtains. “I don’t think I can leave this place today. If you allow me one last wish before torturing me for information, tell my comrades in the headquarters that it was good working with them.

“You know, sometimes I  _ really _ want to stick electrodes in your brain.” I give him a mean look. “Another candy?”

“Such a tempting offer, miss agent of the Organization, but you won’t have any information from me that way.” He grabs the candy anyway. “Finally, good taste for food. It was about time.”

“Hey, what’s the problem?” I protest, “I like to mix and match flavors. Everyone does that.”

“If you haven’t asked today’s cheesecake to be microwaved, I’d begin believing it.” He chuckles with a full mouth. “With a side of the cream you should have put in your coffee, if you allow me to complete that horror show.”

“Don’t tell me that you’ll only eat cold pie.” I cross my arms.

“No, because each pie requires a proper temperature.”

I say an indignation “hmph” and don’t reply. He slouches on the bed with his head half elevated on the pillow, and I think it’s a fairly good idea. The documentary is interesting until I find myself slowly blinking, seeing bits and pieces of what’s on the screen. I shake my head to dispel the sleepiness and look at the time on the wristwatch I forgot taking off. It’s almost seven o’clock and the storm has no end in sight.

“Do you think you’re going home today?” I ask.

“Neither yes, nor a no, everything is but a big maybe.” He stretches his back. “I don’t have an umbrella with me and I spent all of my last cash in the afternoon.”

“No calling a cab, then.”

The truth is: I have some spare money that could leave him home safe and sound. Do I want to lend it? No, I don’t. Okabe makes a ton of excuses for Mr. Tennouji when it comes to the rent, and I doubt that he’d pay me if I was that generous. He’d not even pay it back funding a pizza or some room service. Yes, this is the only reason, I swear. We’ve even split the bill today at the cafe. He didn’t drink more than an espresso tonic. “The other drink of the intellectuals,” he told me there. I smile staring at the TV and hope he doesn’t notice.

“I know that displeases you deeply, assistant, but I’ll have to spend the night in your dignified torture chamber. I hope that you don’t mind a mad scientist sleeping on your carpet.”

“And why would I make you sleep on the carpet?” I frown, looking at him, not to the TV anymore. “I don’t want you to sleep on the bed, but the floor would be too much.”

He chuckles. “You may now confess that you’re in an internal uproar with the idea of sharing a bed with me, Christina.”

“Drop the ‘-tina’, and no, I’m not.”

In an internal uproar is not quite the expression, but “comfortable” isn’t, either. Comfortable implies a state of relaxation, and I can’t say that I’m okay with the idea. Even if we lie down by the edge of our sides of the bed, there won’t be much more than a meter between us. Within the reach of an arm. A roll to the side. Close enough to…

Maybe it's about time that I’m cradled by the pleasant voice talking about snakehead fish and take a nap. Time to wake up? Whenever, if I can sleep at all. I blink my eyes several times, yawn again, and tuck myself in under the blanket, now that the air conditioner already chilled the room.

My nap is one without any dreams, but it’s a slightly disturbed sleep. Most likely I had a dream and didn’t remember it when I finally wake up, with my pupils sensitive to the light before me. I must’ve turned on my side in my sleep and I’m facing the lamp now. When I try to get my arm up to scratch my eyes, I notice there is another arm on top of mine.

I turn my head back. Okabe? His eyes are closed. He’s behind me.  _ Right _ behind me. 

Not that I’m going to say anything, but I feel that I’d lose my voice if I tried. In some moment, he also covered himself with the thick blanket with which I’m attached during my stay. His face looks so calm in his sleep as if nothing could disturb such peace. Not even the thunder after lightning that crosses the sky is enough to wake him up.

I feel my heartbeat rate increasing the more I’m quietly lying in bed. Only a sudden desire to run and hide is enough to make myself move. I untangle myself from his arms very carefully and I believe I haven’t woken him up. 

Standing beside the bed, in the corridor between the wardrobe and the mattress, I find my fabric slippers and put both feet inside them. When I take the first step towards the bathroom, I hear the rustle of the sheets and pay little attention to them.

“Where are you going, assistant?”

I freeze in the middle of where I’m going and don’t reply.

“Now that I was getting used to it.” He giggles. His voice is hoarse and dragged by sleep. “Do your best to come back soon and try to torture me with more of that lemon flavor.”

He’s hopeless.

I finish the path to the bathroom and lock myself in it, pushing the door with my body. I lean onto it for some moments in the dark, not looking for the light switch. When I finally turn it in, I do what I came to do here: washing my face. I open the faucet and fill my hands with cold water from the sink, throwing it on my face. 

The icy temperature, suddenly like that, always made me wake up. The explanation for this is that it increases the levels of noradrenaline, which improves fast reactions in the human body. I decide to stare at myself in the mirror and my cheeks have remains of being reddish. I touch them, seeing my reflection without much of a surprise. I lower my head and rest a hand on the sink.

Even if he can’t hear me thinking, I only feel free to do so when I’m enclosed in here. Did Okabe hug me in his sleep and didn’t notice it, or was it on purpose? Asking is not on the list. No, not that I don’t want to know. I just don’t think that he’ll answer honestly. He’ll just spout out some codified incoherent bullshit hoping that I’ll understand.

My heart still feels like a drum inside my chest and that’s all my fault. I should’ve sent him home. I knew this sort of thing could happen, and now, I die a little bit inside at every second. “Getting used to it”? With me, so close to him? I… maybe I shouldn’t have come out of bed, and he’d never say that. However, knowing him, he’d say some other stupid thing, because he doesn’t know when it’s time to just shut up and… do things.

Right, Kurisu. It’s time to use this head in your shoulders. It’s not the end of the world. It might’ve been an accident. It was, wasn’t it?

I flush unnecessarily, turn off the lights, and leave the bathroom with a low gaze towards the minibar. There’s a thing in it that might help, for sure. The can will be added to my bill, but I don’t care. It’s within my hand’s reach and I perhaps couldn’t get one if I had to shop for it. I’ve heard that the drinking age in some places is eighteen, but not here.

I open up the can, drink the first gulp, and sit onto the bed. I also dim the light intensity of the bedside lamp, which I’ve forgotten on before I slept. The beer doesn’t taste exceptional without a snack on the side, but my objective now is not the flavor, it’s the effect.

In summary, when alcohol gets to your brain, it begins acting on the neurotransmitters, which are responsible for the exchange of messages among brain cells. Soon, the increased effect of a hormone commonly called Gaba for short causes slurred speech and slower movements. Meanwhile, the production of serotonin, so-called “the hormone of happiness”, is increased. Alcohol absorption is faster the emptier the stomach is; I believe I’m feeling it soon, but I’m not hungry at all. 

When I come to notice it, the can is about to end. I’m staring at the TV that I also forgot on without noticing. There’s another documentary on the reproduction in captivity of species endangered of extinction. I stretch from head to toe and Okabe turns to my side.

“Something wrong?” he asks, his voice already clear.

I shake my head. “Nothing happened, anyway.”

Okabe goes quiet for a moment. “I’d thank you if you could come back and lay here again.” He exhales all air in his lungs. “I wasn’t having a very pleasant dream.”

“What kind of dream was it?”

“One that I’d rather not to have.”

The kind of thing that still makes you panic every now and then. Even if I was there to save you in 2005. Even if I’m here whenever I can.

I leave the can on the floor near the minibar and cover myself with the sheets, chest facing up. Okabe drags himself on the bed and wraps me in his arms, without squeezing me. No alcohol in this world could avoid how heavy is my heartbeat. I rest a hand on his forearm and close my eyes. Only then, I notice that the rain is still coming down outside. Rainy nights like these usually help me sleep, but I’m not sure if I want to go back to my nap. I try to breathe deeply and on rhythm.

“What were you dreaming about?” I ask.

“I’m not sure if I want to talk about that.”

I have a good idea of what that might be. 

“Was it about Mayuri?” I whisper.

“No. Not this time.” He hugs me tighter and I feel a heartache. “It was about you.”

Now, I’m the one to be a little quiet. “About me?”

My face starts to get warmer when he replies, “It wasn’t too different from when I dream about her, to be honest.”

No, please, no. I’m alive, alive and well, I’m not going to die. I’m not. You make me check twice when I cross a street.

“I’m here,” I murmur, “I’m right here.”

Before I have time to think about it, the palm of my hand ends up on his cheek. Okabe is cold and his face is slightly wet. Sweat or tears? I don’t like either of them.

I turn my body until we can hug face to face and pull the heavy blanket up to our chins. I don’t know for how long we are this way, listening to the falling rain and the dialogue from the TV, until I turn it off. Then, the world outside of the bedroom ceases to exist.

Okabe splits the lasting hug apart a bit and tries to look me in the eye. I feel my body freezing for the second time in the night.

“I never made such a right decision before I chose to stay here,” he says.

Then, he approaches his face from mine. My dry lips meet his and I close my eyes for good. My hand still rests on his cheek, and the cold touch of his skin warms up little by little the more the time goes by. Everything’s happening in such slow motion. I slide my hand to his scruff, tangling his soft hair around my fingers.

When we split, I can see that Okabe has red cheeks. I must be the same. Our breath became puffy. No wonder.

“Who would ever guess.” He caresses my face with a thumb. “I could never. The person from my first kiss… is the only one I’d ever want to kiss.”

I giggle and shake my head. You’re the only one I want to kiss, too, don’t feel alone on that.

I make him shut up using my mouth. It’s the first time we do it lying down, and it becomes the first time that our tongues touch. His tongue is smoother than I expected. I and my theoretical experience are hoping that mine is moving all right. Maybe I should go deeper with it? I try said thing, and Okabe corresponds pulling me closer; he hugs me by my waist. Trial and error, part one, success.

Our sedentary short breath makes us stop for a moment, staring at one another. He looks at me with an affection I’ve never testified before. I want this night to last forever, just to embrace him some more. What does he think about when he does this? I don’t want him to have time to speak nonsense, so I approach to kiss him again.

We’re so close to one another that we couldn’t come closer even if we tried. The way he caresses my back sends shivers to all my body. Who’d say that he’d find out one of my weak spots by chance like this? Before we started, I thanked for the warm blanket over us; now, I want to get rid of it. Whose idea it was to wear long sleeves?

We split apart again, just some centimeters.

“Does it feel good?” I ask in a whisper.

“I like it, and that’s all that matters.”

Does it hurt to compliment every now and then? I give him the stinky eye. Okabe embraces me with both arms, bringing me to the upside. His movement isn’t very delicate, and as I unbalance myself, I let out a short startled cry.

When I put my hands onto the bed and raise my body to sit straight, I’m giggling like a fool. It must be the beer. I adjust my hips for greater comfort and he releases a worrisome noise.

“Did I hurt you?” I ask. 

He also giggles. “No, it wasn’t that.”

Oh… Interesting. I move again the same way to test if I can get the same reaction. It works like a charm, and the noise he makes is quite pleasant.

Okabe slides his hands from my waist to my hips. He puts me on the right spot and helps me move. He moans through his teeth as if he wanted to cover it up. Why? Now that I know it’s good? That’s not fair. I lean down to kiss him, in order to know that, at least, I’m the one silencing him. 

We decelerate my movements until we almost stop. One of Okabe’s hands climbs from my hips to my upper back, and he turns us to the middle of the bed. I’m a bit startled again: I let out a surprised sound as I hit the bed.

He approaches his face from my neck, which is kissed sweetly. He holds me by my waist and puts the other hand onto bed. I close my eyes, shivering with the light touch until he decides to bite me. An indecent sound escapes my mouth.

It’s hard to describe the feeling; the muscles on the region are pulled pleasantly Okabe keeps on biting me, up near my ear and jaw. I can’t hold back my moans, so I conform to do so quietly. Not that I’ve been bitten before, but I think I’m sensitive due to the drink.

Suddenly, Okabe removes his face from there, brushing it against mine when he gets up. I stare at him, but his gaze is lost on my chest. I hope he isn’t thinking the same I do about my breasts.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“I was thinking that I could just get it up…” He seems to reflect on the matter. “I don’t think that’d have the same charm.”

I put two and two together when he begins to unbutton my shirt. I have butterflies in my stomach. Please, let the bedroom be dark enough so that he doesn’t see the details. I turn my face to the side. Okabe rests a careful hand on my cheek, stopping midway of the shirt.

“Don’t want it?” he asks with gentleness in his voice.

“It’s just… it isn’t fair if I’m the only one.”

I drag myself with both elbows to sit on the bed and put my hands on his T-shirt, getting it up.  _ My _ shirt, but that’s a detail. He cooperates to take it off without a second thought. Under the little light in the bedroom, I’m surprised as my fingers touch him: Okabe has always been thin, but I didn’t expect him to have such defined chest and abs. He finishes unbuttoning my shirt since my excuse is no longer valid.

Am I looking at him the same way he looks at me? My face is warmer than ever, and I want to hide myself with my arms before it’s too late. He puts his lips on mine and holds me by my shoulders with a bit more eagerness. I retribute by gently running my nails on his back, soon changing to his chest. I think I sighed a bit when I saw him. My head is sort of lost in time… when have I felt it before?

Almost copying my gestures, Okabe pulls apart the halves of my shirt from my breasts. If I asked him not to look, it’d be too much. Now,  _ he _ sighs and it’s pretty audible. Please, no comments, please… 

He begins kissing from my chin, descending to my neck up to the cleavage area. I hug his head, petting his hair. I’m not sure when did this night begin to look surreal, but it looks so now. His fingers find the thin skin of the region, holding each one of my breasts in a hand in a sweet massage. I’m still impressed by the soft hands he has. The intention is great, but it tickles a bit.

“You can hold them.” I kiss his forehead. “It doesn’t hurt.”

His grasp is a bit more intense and he begins manipulating my nipples with his thumbs. I close my eyes, pressing them the more he does it. A moan also escapes my mouth. This feeling goes through my body in waves as if it was warming up completely.

“I’m so, so lucky…” he says, with a smile as intoxicated as I am.

“What do you mean?”

“I thank in advance if I can explain it later.”

Okabe approaches his mouth to one of my breasts. His hand is still on the other, grabbing it just like before. He lays down by my side and makes me gasp for air. His tongue makes circles very carefully, so much that it’s almost distressing. I still play with his hair, holding it tighter when he decides to use his teeth a bit.

“Is it good?” he asks, looking at me.

I nod, feeling voiceless. He changes sides, therefore changing breasts, lying by my side. One of his arms supports him and the other holds my hips. His face is almost as peaceful when he does it as it is when he’s sleeping.

He soon leaves the task to kiss me again, and I correspond as if we haven’t done it for a good while, with a certain hunger, almost desperately. I don’t know what I’d do if these lips hadn’t become mine.

I slide to lay down under Okabe and he gets the message, holding my hands against the bed. We don’t stop kissing, a long, intense one, until our breath begins to fail. We break it apart, just some centimeters, and he lets himself fall lying by my side. He supports his head with a resting hand, and the other hand goes on my waist. It runs over my belly and hips as the kiss becomes sweeter. We exchange looks with foreheads pressed. I think he had an idea.

Okabe kisses my neck again and it seems like he’s going to touch me over the pants I wear. As I stare at the ceiling, I close my eyes and let it happen as I correspond by caressing his scruff. His hand stops between my legs, with the tip of his fingers inside the waistband.

“May I?” he asks.

I say “yes” in a whisper and his hand goes further. I want to bury the fact that my heart is beating so hard in my chest. I can barely believe it is happening, and even less that it’d be today. He feels my underwear and comes to the same conclusion that I do: it’s soaked.

Suddenly, Okabe comes back to kiss me; perhaps he was taken by an abrupt desire as I had, a sort of tingling on the lips that must be appeased. His hands move in a slow, steady rhythm over my panties, not hitting any specific spot. However, it’s enough to turn me on some more. In a brief interval in which his mouth is apart from mine, I call him.

“It’s enough,” I say.

“Want me to stop?”

I smile and guide his hand to pull away the fabric. He replies with a half-smile that makes me weak in my legs. His fingers move up and down, sided by sighs he lets out. Each one of them makes me shiver.

“I’m going to need some guidance here,” he requests.

I hold his wrist to take him to the right spot. “Here. Don’t overdo it.”

He does a series of tests with varying movements. Up and down, circling, to the sides, fast and slow, with more or less pressure… I lose my train of thought when he begins doing it right and the noise I tried so hard to hold back ends up coming out. Is it normal to be embarrassed with myself?

After one of my loudest moans, he decelerates and suddenly moves. I open my eyes to see what’s going on. Okabe is kneeling before me, with each hand on one of my knees. He opens my legs a bit and puts his body between them. I turn my face to the side, protesting with a weak, colorless “hey”. 

“Everything okay?” he asks, “Don’t want it anymore?”

“It’s just that when you look at me like that…” I admit that’s the problem.

“We can turn off the lights, what do you think?”

I ponder it for a moment and stretch my hand to the bedside light switch. I regulate them to the minimum, just so that they won’t turn off. God bless technology. 

“It wouldn’t be fair to you.” I chuckle. “It’s said that visual stimulation is a men’s favorite.”

“Even if I couldn’t see a thing, I’d be the happiest man in the world.”

Where did you learn that kind of gallantry? You could use that in ordinary situations, such as at a cafe. Okabe runs his hands on my thighs until he meets the waistband of the pants I wear. He pulls it up and I raise my legs so that they’ll leave me. I remember wearing white panties with a bit of lace to them. I was lucky not to wear an old rag today.

“Can you lend me a pillow?” he requests.

I hand him the one that’s not under my head.

“Now… raise your hips, please.”

“What for?” I ask.

“I want to try out a thing.”

I know quite well where have you learned this sort of “thing”. I go along with his idea anyway and let him put said pillow under my hips. Okabe spends some moments facing the scene. I’m not sure if he’s nervous, but he’s making me so. He finally leans down, holding each one of my thighs, and gives me the first kiss on top of my panties. It’s even worse when he pulls it away to the left, keeping it out of the way with a thumb. My heart is back to its race and I can barely breathe. Please, don’t stare.

“Were you planning this?” he asks in a sarcastic tone, “Or are all girls in the States like that?”

Don’t throw the mood out of the window. “What the hell are you talking about?”

He uses his free hand to feel my recent shaving. “It’s perfectly smooth.” 

“How would I know if they’re all like this?” I say, “I was just bored yesterday, right? And it itches me when I don’t trim it.”

Sometimes, all a woman has to do in a hotel room is some shaving. If I was planning something, I wouldn’t have my heart beating so fast like this right now. I’d be on top of him for an hour or two.

“I’m not one to complain,” he says.

He stops ruining the moment and puts his mouth on me. Each kiss we shared was always better than the previous, and I believe that’s a skill that translates to other things. As well as with his fingers, he tries out moves, pressures, speeds, and more or less sensitive spots, and he seems to have the time of his life.

It’s not long until I’m holding his hair with my body trembling a bit. When I think I can’t take it anymore, he goes over my apparent limit. I’m sure he does that just to listen to me when I can’t hold back my moaning any longer. I open my eyes and raise my head to see, and he seems to press his body against the mattress. He’s really into that sort of thing… 

Okabe stops with his mouth, panting even more than I do. He must be tired of using it so vigorously since he begins to touch me with his fingers like before. This time, he’s facing me, not lying by my side; the different angle makes it puzzling for him in the beginning. It takes just a short while until I’m embarrassed with my own noise again.

Maybe tired of that movement, his fingers slide down my labia and make a suggestive motion, as if he would put one of them in. It won’t hurt, I know it won’t. I let him do it, and it happens too slowly, even for someone being careful.

“You can do it,” I almost stutter, “I have…”

“You’ve what?” He frowns.

“I’ve done this before.” It’s hard to admit, but I do it. “I mean… on my own.”

He chuckles as if he knows too much. “You’re really a perverted genius girl.”

It’d be better if he had his mouth busy. The whole finger goes in. My body is almost in the point to beg for this kind of stimulation. I let out a moan that I tried to keep in when he begins to move his finger that brushes the most sensitive spot. I think he doesn’t know it.

“A perverted genius girl…” he repeats, “and I love it so much.”

I refuse to be more turned on hearing this, but my body won’t listen to me. I curse every single hormone in my bloodstream.

Okabe kisses my inner thigh as he moves his finger. Wait, when did he put another one? I feel the pressure of two of them, which is more interesting than using just one. I hold tight onto the blanket as the movement is more intense. Like that, I don’t feel the small spasms of the external play. I guess it’s time to teach him a thing or two. He stops midway when I raise my body, asking if I’m all right.

“I just want to show you something.” I grab his wrist. “Curve your fingers.”

“Like this?” He does it, and I feel their tips hitting the right spot. “I guess it feels good, or else, you wouldn’t teach me. Slowly first?”

“Yes, but with a bit of strength. You can try it.”

It’s impressive how fast he can learn. Soon, I have to control myself not to go overboard with the volume. I believe the rooms are well isolated, but the last thing I want is a noise complaint.

When I’m about to say it’s enough, Okabe has the brilliant idea to use both mouth and hands at the same time. He moves his fingers as I taught him and his tongue as I guided. My whole body responds to what he does, especially when I contract myself around his fingers. After that, he does so at a slower pace, and I let myself get all loose and panting on the bed. He removes his fingers and kisses my thighs.

“Do you think we woke someone up?” he asks.

“I hope we haven’t.” I raise my body to kneel on the bed and the next sentence takes a while to come out. “Can I… do it on you?”

“What, with the fingers?” Okabe laughs nervously. “I think I’m not ready for that kind of thing, in whatever aspect…”

I laugh out loud, shaking my head. “No, you idiot.” I drag myself closer and we kiss in slow motion.

The taste doesn’t bother me… It’s sort of an interesting thing to do. I pull him so that he falls on top of me and I roll upside. We’re both on a spot where there’s no blanket. I pull it over us to avoid the chilly air conditioner. As we both fell, I felt my muscles failing me. The endorphin high is really an incredible thing.

I put my panties back in the right position and sit on his hips. I hold Okabe’s hands against the bed, as he did to me earlier, and move my hips again. The face he makes and the moans he suffocates only encourage me to continue. I don’t want to keep doing this until the end, though.

I decelerate my movement until I stop and leave the top, descending until my face is close to where I sat before. With a hand, I gently press the bulge underneath the shorts I lent him. My efforts were not in vain. A slight apprehension comes to me; I hope to do everything right, and not hurting him is a good start. I pull his shorts down and Okabe is almost naked in front of me. Does he even mind that?

By the way, how should I name the thing? There are so many names for it. I’m a woman of science, so I tend to choose the classic “penis”. I smirk as I think of a payback for the comment on my shaving earlier. Maybe another sort of mockery would be more interesting.

“Oh, you don’t have the foreskin.” I caress his penis with the tip of my index finger. “Are all men in Japan like that?”

“It was for health reasons.” He turns his face to the side, trying unsuccessfully to hide his blushing. “I can’t answer that question with honesty, because-”

He goes quiet when I slide my tongue and lips on his penis, from the base to the top. Do not rub your teeth, I repeat in thought, is the recommendation I’ve ever read. Okabe lets out a soft moan and I giggle. I ask myself if I’m going to have the same control over him that he had over me. I go on licking him the same way and hold the base to put it up. What might be his size? From the corner of my eye, I notice his glare.

“What were you saying?” I ask, licking the back of his glans.

He flinches a bit. “I don’t have vast experience with naked men…”

“Are you sure?” I smirk. “What about the locker room at school?”

“I don’t think that counts,” he stutters.

“It does. And don’t tell me that you of all people don’t watch… educational videos.”

I put the whole glans in my mouth and remove it soon. It doesn’t taste any different from any skin, but it has a curious texture.

“Uh…” He seems to hesitate. “You’re right, I should know more about that.”

I feel victorious, even if due to a shallow reason, and repeat what I did before with a bit more pressure from my mouth.

“Watch out,” he says, and I stop, “Not that strong, not now, at least.”

I stare at him with questions. That must be the reason he always takes it too slow with me: he likes that. Okabe pets my hair and I’m back on track, with my eyes closed. I go up and down as he requested, as well as using my hand in the task. I feel kind of at ease doing this, much more than I do when I receive it. What kind of scientist would I be if I didn’t explore possibilities?

Okabe’s moaning shows me that I’m doing it right. The more he vocalizes, the restless I am. It’s like I wanted to touch myself at the same time… Well, it doesn’t seem like a bad idea. I check if he’s looking, and he’s not; he closed his eyes and must be focusing on what I do. With my free hand, I reach between my legs and touch it over my panties. I’d be gasping as well if my mouth wasn’t busy. 

“Harder…” he sighs, “Harder, please.”

I do as I’m told, also increasing the strength with which I touch myself. Okabe seems like he’s holding back somehow. He grabs the sheets and the blanket, and moves his legs and feet a bit the more I’m dedicated to it. In spite of that, I’m still using my head, and there’s a thing I have to ask. I decelerate until I stop and take his penis out of my mouth to talk to him, who now looks at me.

“I was thinking,” I say, “we don’t have…”

“Protection? He frowns. “We actually do…”

“Huh?!” I have a little jumpscare. “Why do you carry those, Okabe?”

“It’s not the kind of thing I usually have.” He looks elsewhere, avoiding my gaze. “But I’ve been to a vending machine of this stuff, you know. Me and Daru. The kind of machine that gives random prizes. We thought it was a funny thing to do.”

It’s not hard to believe, given their behavior. Men and their weird ideas. Okabe sits on the bed and grabs his folded jeans he left on the bedside table. He gets his wallet from a pocket, and there is a small chain of condoms inside, on which I can read “extra-fine”. I hope I’m not completely red.

“D-don’t tell me that you were planning this,” I say.

“It’s nothing but a happy coincidence.” He approaches and kisses me. “Now… if it’s not too much to ask, could you do a thing for me?”

“It depends.” What is he planning? “What is it?”

“Could you…” Okabe hesitates for an instant. “Could you make me come once?”

I blink sometimes and open my mouth to reply, saying but a “huh?”

“It’s just that, well, you might figure… I’m pretty nervous.” He scratches his head. “I don’t want to ruin the moment when we’re doing it.”

“I see…”

A lot of things come to my mind. The refractory period in men has a variable time that might be from some minutes to even days, depending on age, health condition, and other factors. According to some studies, young men around eighteen might have another erection about fifteen minutes after an orgasm. Besides, it is quite frequent that premature ejaculation occurs due to psychological reasons, so Okabe is right when he says that he’s nervous and that might be a thing.

He interrupts my train of thought with another kiss. I can’t say no to a request like that. Yes, I’ll do it, I tell him. He doesn’t thank me. However… 

“I love you,” he says.

“Because of that?” I giggle in confusion. I feel like I might have red cheeks.

“No, of course not.” He kisses me again. “I just thought it was good timing.”

He must be waiting for me to reply. I clench my fists a bit, biting my mouth from inside.

“I…” I begin, but trip and fall with the words. “Me too.”

I’m a complete idiot. Why can’t I just spit it out? Still, Okabe looks at me with the same tenderness of this kind of moment. I have no idea for how long we kiss, both kneeling on the bed. He lays down and I do so by his side, in a way that I can use my dominant hand. 

A slow start that intensifies as it goes… I’ve got a grasp of the tricks of his body, or that part, at least. It doesn’t take long until he’s hard again. I like to think my hands are smooth; I take good care of them. I approach his ear.

“Close your eyes,” I whisper, and he complies, “Is it good?”

He lets out a moan. “Yeah. Go on.”

I believe it is time for me to accelerate. His body reacts in such a good way that I can barely believe it. I think he can’t hold back his moans either, with a face as red as I think mine is.

“Kurisu… It’s so, so good…” he says, “It won’t take too long.”

My name. He said my name. Not “assistant”. Not “Christina” or other stupid nicknames. I lose myself in the moment and snuggle under the arm with which he holds me.

What if I bite him a bit, as he did to me? I open my mouth and do it gently as I accelerate the movement of my hand. Harder? Okabe moans louder, and in the matter of a few seconds, fun is over. He throbs a bit in my hand, and I’m ashamed to say I found it incredible. 

We enjoy a long moment kissing one another with the same insatiable desire as before. When we stop, we keep staring at one another.

“How was it?” I murmur.

“More than fantastic.” He kisses me again. “Can you go get some paper? I’m unable to leave this spot right now.”

I nod and stand up, looking for the tissue box on the other bedside table. Maybe six will do. I pull one after another until I hear him.

“Hey, you don’t need that much.” Okabe laughs. “Just two or three will do.”

I don’t want to figure out why do you know that, exactly.

“Said the voice of experience…” I tease.

I begin cleaning him, and indeed, three tissues end up being enough. I spend quite some time seeing the muscular definition on the abdomen where I brush the paper. It has even a bit of relief.

He thanks me, sits on the bed, and finishes taking off the shorts I pulled down. Maybe it would be a good time for me to get dressed again… 

“I suggest that we finish washing this in the shower, and you’re welcome to tag along,” he says, “what do you think?”

I need some seconds to process the idea. The only thing that comes to my mind is that many social mammals have a link between mutual hygiene and bonds of affection among their groups. I don’t want to think about being fully undressed and with lights on. 

“Uh… really? Isn’t it clean enough like that?” I ask.

“It’ll stick if I don’t wash it as soon as possible. It’s fine if you don’t want to come.”

“No, I…” I’ve taken a shower earlier? That’s not true. My guess is I’m not under the influence anymore. Why am I even treating this issue as a problem? What is a shower in comparison to what we’ve done? I stand up and grab a new towel for him inside the wardrobe. I throw it, telling him to think fast, and he catches it mid-air.

I walk up to the window while Okabe does whatever’s needed. The curtain that covers the window is so long that it reaches the floor, and I open it, just a fret, to look outside. The rain is still intense. Akihabara lights are all flashing, but I have no idea what time might it be. I’m not worried about my half-open shirt, nor the lack of pants; I don’t think anyone will see me from this distance, much less in this weather.

The experience is still too recent for me to treat them as mere memories. The touch, the warmness, the sounds… still, I find it hard to believe. It was an ordinary day of my vacation, one like any other. It even looks like that I’m dreaming and things took a sort of crazy twist.

This feeling only grows when I’m hugged from behind. I also get a kiss on top of my head. His towel is wrapped around his waist, what I can’t see, but feel with my legs. It’s a hug that looks a lot like the one I woke up to.

“Something wrong?” he whispers.

“I just like to watch the city when I’m thinking.”

“Come tell me in the shower what you’re thinking. Deal?”

I turn my face and Okabe holds my cheek with a hand to kiss me. He seems way more comfortable than I do now, to the point he tries biting my bottom lip a bit. He stops and closes the curtains, even if it’s irrelevant, to take off my shirt. It falls to the floor. His hands reach my hips and I myself take off the remaining panties. Okabe puts my towel on top of my head and shoulders and guides me to the bathroom by my hand.

I think of asking for the lights to be off, but the slippery bathtub isn’t the most sensible place not to be seeing. We hang the towels and Okabe flips the light switch. The lamp hurts my unused eyes a bit. The hotel bathroom is kind of spacious and cozy. It’s just not the most romantic place there is.

I turn on the shower and regulate the water temperature until I like it, waiting a bit before I get under it. I pull my hair to make a bun; it’s not a good time to get it wet. When I’m about to pin my hair, I hear Okabe’s complaint.

“Dear Lord, the water’s scorching,” he says.

I finish the bun and put my hand under the water. “No, it’s not.” I shake my head.

“Of course it is. I can’t get under it.”

“Of course it’s not. It’ll be cold if you…” I interrupt what I’m saying when I see him turning the faucet some more. “Okabe!

He chuckles, his eyes closed, as he enters the waterfall. His hair is no longer combed back, as usual, falling on his forehead instead. He almost looks like another person, but I dare to say I like the surprise.

“For how long are you going to treat me like that?” he asks.

“Huh?” I frown, raising my voice in the quiet bathroom. “What did I do?”

Okabe likes his water unbearably cold, and it’s no rudeness from me to like the correct temperature. He brushes his hair with his hands, putting them back to their usual place, and lets out a relaxed sigh as he does. I don’t know how he can be in that water.

“Isn’t it about time you call me by my name?” he says.

What? I hope it’s not what I think it is. “Don’t give me that ‘Hououin Kyouma’ bullshit in a time like this, please.” 

“I guess ‘Rintarou’ is just fine.”

Right… there go all my arguments and my voice. Okabe leaves the waterfall and I raise the temperature before I enter. He looks at me with disgust, and I retribute with a mean glare. I wasn’t exactly needing a shower yet, but it wasn’t a bad idea. It helps to clear one’s mind, through an effect similar to meditation, and it also relaxes the body as it improves blood circulation. When I turn my head to look over my shoulder, Okabe has a bottle in a hand and a puddle of product in the other.

“My shampoo!” I exclaim, “I can wash  _ my _ hair with that amount. You don’t need that much.”

“Uh…” He seems genuinely surprised. “I can use it to wash my body, then.”

I facepalm. “I can’t believe it… You shouldn’t, but that’s fine.” I sigh. “Don’t put it to waste.”

I try to hide my disappointment as I close my eyes and enjoy the water. I rub my hands on my body to remove any sweat and begin massaging my trapezius when I feel Okabe touching me with soap on his fingers.

“There was a lot, really,” he says, “can I wash you?”

It won’t hurt, right? I leave the shower in order not to remove the shampoo from my back and he enters, doing the atrocity of chilling the water. His massage ain’t half bad, but…

“Press me a little more,” I request.

“Do you like strength to it or is it but an impression?”

“No.” I cross my arms. “You’re the one afraid to touch me, isn’t it?”

He begins pressing some more. His hands slide and grasp me with somewhat of a skill; I ask myself if that’s a natural talent. An unexpected noise escapes my mouth when Okabe rubs his thumbs around my spine down to my lower back. He focuses on that and I know the reason quite well. It’s not like when we’re in bed, but it’s pretty pleasant. 

“Uh, Kurisu…” he stutters.

I look back over my shoulder. Someone’s refractory period seems to be gone already.

“What about now?” I ask.

“Well, I haven’t brought the condoms here, so…” He scratches his head. “We can do another thing.”

“As for example…?”

Okabe turns me to the wall, where I put my hands, and pulls me closer by my waist. I’m afraid of where this is going, but I say nothing about it. He approaches me and puts his penis between my buttocks. My body is slippery because of the soap and he slides easily when touching me.

I turn my head back and we kiss in a slow and steady pace, as he claims to prefer. He holds me with a hand on my breast and the other between my legs. I begin moving my hips, too; I’m not letting him do all the work.

“Do you like it?” I ask.

Okabe nods. He’s panting, and this movement makes his hand hit my clitoris back and forth. It’s not easy to keep balance, I believe, for none of both. My moans are quiet enough not to echo much in the bathroom. Now, his are pretty audible, given that they’re so close to my ear. I’m not complaining. The more noise he makes, the more my body warms up. His hand in the right place has some to do with that, sure, but nothing’s like the feeling that the other person is having a good time.

In spite of everything, what we chose to do is tiring. Soon, Okabe lets go of me to hold me again as I face him, my back against the cold wall. We kiss, and it begins frantically, getting slower and slower as we have less breath.

I turn off the shower and put a foot outside of the bathtub. I pull him by his hand to join me. As I step on the rug, I begin to dry myself, but he takes on the task and scratches my back with the towel. I haven’t told him that was a sensitive spot, and he found it out anyway. I giggle when it tickles, then I dry him myself. I tiptoe to rub his hair with the towel. We stare at each other in silence and wrap ourselves up to leave to the air conditioner cold. 

We walk up to the bed, stepping barefoot on the carpet, and stop before it.

“Now…”I begin and don’t finish.

He says nothing. The truth is I don’t know what to do now. Lay down and sleep, and pretend it didn’t happen? It’s always an option, but I can’t tell if that’s what I want.

“Well.” He cleans his throat and combs his hair to the usual with his fingers. “Wanna get dressed? It’s chilly in here.”

I approach the wardrobe looking for clean panties. I found a white one with a ribbon and put it on. By the window, I recover my shirt left on the floor, then I’m back to the wardrobe to find my spray deodorant. After I use it, I lend him the spray, asking if he wants it. Okabe accepts it, but it doesn’t look like he’s getting any dressed. In his situation, I wouldn’t know if I’d want to put clothes on. My shorts absolutely don’t suit him, that’s a fact, and the cute print on the T-shirt is not the best on him either.

We sit on the bed with our legs under the covers, side by side. The silence in the bedroom is but ours: the rain still falls outside and the air conditioner hums.

Okabe sighs. “I think I’m more nervous now than I was before.”

“It was useless, then?” I murmur, slightly disappointed.

“That’s not it, it’s just that I’m… well, whatever.”

“Whatever?” I ask. Come on, I made an effort to it.

“No, not in that sense.” Okabe slides from sitting to lying down on the bed and looks at me from there. “What were you thinking, back there by the window?”

“You know…” I hold tighter on the hem of the blanket. “Do you also feel a bit like you’re dreaming now?”

“Telling reality apart from the rest has been so hard that almost every moment seems like that.” He raises a hand in the air, looking at the ceiling like Mayuri does sometimes. “Perhaps I’ll never get rid of that feeling.”

My heart aches. I want to hug him and tell him it won’t happen anymore, but I’m not sure if that’d be true.

“I…” I hold back my words. I’m sorry? No. I want to help. No, either. I love you? I lay down and hug him for a long, long time, with my head on his shoulder. If I could just say it… 

Okabe turns to hug me as he faces me, and the towel he wears begins getting loose on his waist. With a hand, he caresses my back. I close my eyes and enjoy it. I take a deep breath; even if he smells like my shampoo and deodorant, he still has a bit of the cologne he’s been using these days.

His hand slides down to my lower back and begins to press it in a soothing massage. Shortly, I begin to moan a bit. Is he planning what I think he is?

“Hey, what are you doing?” I ask.

“You haven’t noticed it yet?” he whispers in my ear, “I love to hear you.”

A shiver goes down my spine and I feel my body weaken a bit. Not many people would say such a thing, I think. Why am I tearing up? He ends every chance of me saying something as he kisses me, and he touches me as if he needed it to live.

Okabe doesn’t stop pressing my lower back, so I don’t stop moaning quietly. It’s not as strange as in the beginning. His hands slide down and I feel both of them on my buttocks. He caresses and holds me as carefully as ever. In the technical sense, I think our kisses are better and better because my body responds to them faster each time.

We split it and look at one another, saying nothing. We’re panting but go back to kissing anyway. I approach my chest from his, holding his face with both hands. The little beard he has feels soft. Now it occurs to me that he might be taking care of it. I feel something poking my leg and we look down. It’s exactly what I thought.

I giggle. “That again?”

He shrugs, with a heartwarming smile. “What can I do, isn’t it?”

“Isn’t it because you’re young?”

“Of course not.

He pushes me to lay on top of me, and I let out a startled cry of which I’m not proud of. His towel falls on top of my hips. I’m kissed more gently now, just so that we don’t become completely breathless.

Okabe pulls the towel away, taking it off of me, and does the same with the shirt on my chest. We’re under the blanket, but I feel exposed anyway. Even more due to the way he’s staring… 

“You’re beautiful,” he says, “did I say it today?”

I turn my face away. “No.”

My neck is showing and he bites me. I moan more intensely the closer to my jaw he bites. It doesn’t hurt in any way, but I’m tearing up again. Is it something from another world line? Or am I so happy that I can’t fight back the tears? When the first uncontrolled one falls, I hope he doesn’t see it. This moment… I want it to be memorable.

That way, you’ll stay here with me, and will never be lost in time again.

I feel something on my leg, something wet and a bit cold. I can’t see it, so… 

“Oka-”

He interrupts me with a kiss and whispers, “Rintarou. Please.”

“It’s just that…”

I look down and he follows my gaze. There is indeed something on my thigh. He seems to understand it immediately and I take some seconds to process. The pre-ejaculate is a substance released before the orgasm. It is a natural lubricant and helps balance the acidity of the urethra. Okabe hurries to clean the stain with the towel, apologizing.

“Is it always like that?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Only when I think of you.”

Does he have the slightest notion of what he’s just confessed? I try to hide my face with my hands when he grabs both against the bed, with lots of care for someone doing this.

“Hey,” I protest, “can you let go?”

“Only if you call me by my name. Promise?”

“I…” I hold my breath and expire from my nose. “Can it be in a while?”

“That’d be even better.”

In a while? What have I just said? In a while, we’ll probably be… Dammit, the situations I get myself in. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fulfill that promise. He uses the position to kiss me once again, then he lets go and kneels on the bed by my side.

“Can I see you?” he asks.

Right, it’s about time that I lose this fear. I stretch my hand to lighten the bedroom when he puts himself in front of me, kneeling as I lie down. Okabe pulls my panties aside, looking between my legs without a drop of hesitation. And that because he claims he’s never done such thing before. A true pervert.

Definitely a hopeless one.

My face’s warmer than ever, and when I think it can’t get any worse, he runs his fingers on the external area with a satisfied face.

“Kurisu…” he murmurs, “May I?”

My heart’s in my mouth and I can’t answer.

“Please, tell me.” He caresses one of my thighs. “Be honest with me.”

First things first, I need to be honest with myself.

“Do it,” I stutter.

Okabe grabs the chain of condoms and detaches one of them. He has a bad time opening it, and when I dare to look, he’s not as hard anymore. I see him using his hand a bit as he looks at me. I’m about to propose that I help him when he has a better idea: using his mouth on me again.

As well as with the kisses, the second time is better than the first. It’s not long until I’m grabbing on the blanket, the mattress, the pillow, his hair, or whatever I can put my hands on. It’s a surprise… a good one.

Okabe moves away from me, completely breathless, panting as if he ran a marathon. He can then put on the open condom. He lays over me and approaches his penis from the place where it might be soon.

“Are you sure?” he says.

What kind of question is that? I’d stick electrodes in his brain for real if I didn’t want his touch. 

I shake my head. “Stop asking.”

Then, I pull him closer. I feel like we got it right, even if by accident when he penetrates me slowly, I believe up to the middle. It is neither painful nor uncomfortable. Who would say that we’d do everything right up to this point? We exchange looks, and I hope we’re feeling the same.

He leans down to kiss me and enters me deeper. It doesn’t hurt either. Okabe begins moving back and forth. In the beginning, I can’t feel it much, but soon a bit of friction happens. I begin to moan quietly, with my mouth covered by his. I also have to conform that making noise is but a reality of the thing. However, he seems to be holding it back. 

When we split apart, I see an opportunity to ask, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He frowns. “Why?”

“You’re so quiet…”

“Oh, I… I think I’m holding my breath.

Count to three, Kurisu, you can request that.

I cup his face with a hand. “I want to hear you, too.”

Okabe approaches me and our hips get together. I feel it deep, touching my cervix; it was slow, so it doesn’t hurt. I let out a moan that’s partially from the scare, and partially out of pleasure. He begins moving a bit faster until he lets out the noise I want to hear. It’s not loud, nor mine is. It’s just enough, in our ears, for us to listen.

I close my eyes and hold onto his body, with a hand on his scruff and the other by his waist. Now, the friction is enough for me to feel every movement. When it feels better, the canal contracts a bit on its own. I try to control it once and he moans louder. Do it, go on, I love to hear you, too.

I’m about to say his name, deciding in the end that I can’t.

“Harder…” I say instead, “you can do it harder…”

“Harder?” he pants, “It won’t hurt?”

I shake my head. Okabe fulfills my request changing the position a bit: he kneels on the bed and begins pulling me by my waist. Maybe it’s easier for him like this… A louder moan escapes my mouth in the first pull. I open my eyes to see what’s going on, and his face is so twisted in pleasure as mine must be. In a deeper thrust, he also lets out an intense moan and begins slowing it down.

“Why did you stop?” I ask.

“I need to… change the stimulation.” He sighs and pants, and I can see he’s sweating a bit. “Or I’m not lasting too long.”

“You can always try again later.”

“I want to challenge myself a bit if you allow me.”

I shake my head, giggling. Men… 

“You don’t want to try?” he suggests.

“Oh, I…” I hesitate a bit. I can guess what he’s talking about. “Can I?”

“Sure you can.”

He approaches me again, wrapping me in his arms, and we change positions in bed. When his body hits the mattress, we laugh carefreely, in a moment of brief euphoria, and I kiss him for the thousandth time.

I begin moving up and down like I imagine it feels best. Okabe puts his hands on my hips and guides me to his likes, slowly first, and I can’t say that’s bad. It’s not hard to get the hang of it; I find a rhythm and an angle that hits me in the correct spot. Why didn’t we try this as a first thing? I grab the pillow where I put both hands. Free from the previous effort, he’s moaning more freely, almost every time I’m up with my hips. 

“I wanted to take longer, but like that…” he says, “it’s so good.”

Don’t think it’s good just for you. “You don’t need to take longer.”

“Then do it, please.” Okabe hugs me, approaching us. “Please, Kurisu.”

My name fits like a missing puzzle piece and that’s all I need. I begin going down stronger with my hips, hoping it works… and it does. Shortly after, he begins moaning each time louder. His hands press me around my waist and I think I did it.

Okabe is absolutely breathless under me, and his gripping hands become a hug. He pulls me closer and kisses me with the same tenderness. When we finish, we stare at each other for a moment, letting my embarrassment aside, forgetting all the rest.

I hold the base of the condom and leave the top carefully. I let my body fall by his side on the bed, feeling light as a feather. I think, however, that it doesn’t compare to what he feels now: the orgasm has a peerless effect in the human body. Dopamine, a hormone released in great quantity in that moment, is related to the so-called reward system: a neuron circuit that influences our emotions. It’s what motivates us to do things such as eating sugar, using drugs, or, well… 

“And what about calling me by my name?” he asks, “You promised me.”

The truth is I couldn’t but he’ll never know that. 

“I was busy.” I smile with a hint of superiority.

Okabe grabs my hand and kisses it. “Promise you’re going to try?”

Don’t tell me that Reading Steiner of yours can read thoughts now. My face gets warm. 

“Do you really want it?” I ask.

“I do.” He kisses my hand again, keeping it close to his face. “Because I want to be close to you.”

I think I can’t resist when he’s honest to himself exactly because I can’t do the same. I hug him, enjoying the moment of silence, where only the storm and the air conditioner.

“Earlier…” I say, “you told me that you were lucky or something.”

“I did.”

“Why?”

Okabe chuckles. I hope he doesn’t say some kind of nonsense. “Isn’t it obvious?” he asks.

“I wouldn’t be asking if it was.”

“I found the love of my life so early and with a body so incredible that I can’t believe it. Isn’t that luck?”

If you were like that a hundred percent of the time, I wouldn’t cherish that sort of quote like a treasure.

“My body?” I stutter.

“There are mirrors in the States, come on.” He frowns. “You know it is.”

I’d rather we didn’t go into that subject… “Maybe if I put on a bit of-”

“Of absolutely nothing. It’s perfect like it is.” He kisses me. “Now, if you can inflate my ego a bit, I’d thank you.”

I can’t even say that I love you. How do you want me to compliment your body? Okabe sits on the bed and takes off the used condom, tying it with a knot that I believe to be safe. I sit as well.

“You’ve got nice…” Everything, really. “Abs. They’re well defined.”

“That doesn’t count. I didn’t make an effort to have it.”

“Following that logic, I can’t compliment anything natural from you.” I cross my arms. “Why would I do so, then?”

“Uh…” He hesitates and stands up. “I’m throwing this away.”

And you won’t admit that you’re wrong, but I’m in too much of a good mood to start a fight for that. 

When he approaches the bathroom, I say, “Nice back you got there.”

Okabe looks over his shoulder with a smile and enters the half-open door.

I let my body slide to lay down on the bed once again. I try to recap how we got here, since the moment we entered the bedroom. It’s still hard to believe. I thought I’d sleep alone again, in this bed that’s too big for me; a bed in which I began missing something I’ve never had before… today.

“Hey, don’t you want to come back here?” Okabe calls me, a bit loud, from inside the bathroom, “I think we need another shower.”

“I’m getting new towels,” I answer in the same tone.

I roll on the bed until I’m near the wardrobe. Hotels and their infinite stock of towels came in handy. Two of them will be enough unless I’m going to wash my hair this time. A bit of blow-drying is not going to ruin it.

Now it occurs to me that we have a bathtub…


End file.
